|
|
Rank: Newbie Groups: Member
Joined: 4/27/2009 Posts: 16 Points: 48
|
'I consider myself a social scientist and I take a long time to make general statements'.
LOL Lazarelle, you crack me up heh!
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Member
Joined: 8/11/2008 Posts: 786 Points: 2,358 Location: northeast
|
I know there are good/bad men in every nation, but I personally have found through living in the U.S. most of my life, and knowing alot of American men, and studying psychology/sociology, etc. and just talking to men at work, social events, etc. that American men are much more concerned with a woman's age than European men..when it comes to dating. In other words, American men are more hung up on 'youth' and many men that I've know who have divorced and in their 40s, MOST prefer a 20-25 yr old woman. I asked one guy, what if she's 30 and looks hot, besides you can't even tell the difference between 30 and 25 sometimes, and lots of women these days are looking younger, taking care of themselves better, etc. He thought about it for a second, then said, he still preferred the 25 yr old, because she would have an extra 5 yrs to look just as young. He didn't even want a child, since he had 3 of his own, so it wasn't a fertility issue.
European men that I know and met though, have not been so focused on age. I've been to several countries, and have seen women looking obviously older with men hand in hand, and have seen men whistle at women over 30, and many did look over 30. Men just admired beauty, or what they found to be attractive, regardless of age. I know not all in the U.S. are so hung up about age, but alot of men usually 30+)seem to want to only date women in their early 20s. You can also see this on dating sites, where men 30+age group select only younger women to meet. So what does a woman do once she's past 25 and still single? Or if she's past a certain age and looking not so youthful, and married, have a husband no longer interested in her? Sadly, I hear this often too, from men at my job or other friends. So how can this be considered love? Of course there are men who still love their wives even though she looks older. But why is it that I hear alot of these men say they want to date a younger women if they were to get divorced? Men are really hung up on age of a woman here, for the most part.
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Member
Joined: 6/12/2008 Posts: 1,232 Points: 3,671
|
Violetta This issue of age phobia with American men has come up several times in your post - so I'm assuming you have had an experience with it- IMHO all men want younger women and I haven't noticed Americans being more particular - however when I say Americans treat women better its because I find American men to be more insecure and not as cocky as European men - and consequently treat women well for fear of losing them - I have had many personal experiences and also experiences of friends and their friends - and I constantly notice (maybe not the "loving better" issue) but that American men are much more insecure than European men - Hotels in Cleveland
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Editor
, Member
Joined: 9/23/2008 Posts: 3,554 Points: 8,144
|
Larazelle wrote:Violetta
This issue of age phobia with American men has come up several times in your post - so I'm assuming you have had an experience with it- IMHO all men want younger women and I haven't noticed Americans being more particular - however when I say Americans treat women better its because I find American men to be more insecure and not as cocky as European men - and consequently treat women well for fear of losing them - I have had many personal experiences and also experiences of friends and their friends - and I constantly notice (maybe not the "loving better" issue) but that American men are much more insecure than European men - IMO this is sterotyping. I do not think insecurity has anything to do with it. I think men who grow up with a good relationship with their mothers, who see their fathers treat their mothers with respect, witness their parents loving each other as equals will grow up to treat their women the same. They have seen a good relationship and want this for themselves which is why they treat their wives/girlfriends well. I know there are exceptions to everything and I am not saying that only men lucky enough to raised in this way will do well with relationships, just that these things give them a head start in life. I have also had many personal experiences along with my friends, family to back this up and what I have seen is there are good men all over the world who treat their women and families well. Men have always been very visual, like to look at young beautiful women. I do not see this as a *flaw* in any way. To me that is what makes them.....men.
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Member
Joined: 7/23/2009 Posts: 695 Points: 2,127
|
Sue wrote:
IMO this is sterotyping. I do not think insecurity has anything to do with it. I think men who grow up with a good relationship with their mothers, who see their fathers treat their mothers with respect, witness their parents loving each other as equals will grow up to treat their women the same. They have seen a good relationship and want this for themselves which is why they treat their wives/girlfriends well. I know there are exceptions to everything and I am not saying that only men lucky enough to raised in this way will do well with relationships, just that these things give them a head start in life. I have also had many personal experiences along with my friends, family to back this up and what I have seen is there are good men all over the world who treat their women and families well. Men have always been very visual, like to look at young beautiful women. I do not see this as a *flaw* in any way. To me that is what makes them.....men.
I love your post Sue. I completely agree. I was highlighting things you wrote and then it ended up being the whole paragraph so I took the highlights out.
 "Annie Bean Sprout"
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Member
Joined: 3/19/2009 Posts: 2,513 Points: -2,057
|
violeta wrote:I know there are good/bad men in every nation, but I personally have found through living in the U.S. most of my life, and knowing alot of American men, and studying psychology/sociology, etc. and just talking to men at work, social events, etc. that American men are much more concerned with a woman's age than European men..when it comes to dating. In other words, American men are more hung up on 'youth' and many men that I've know who have divorced and in their 40s, MOST prefer a 20-25 yr old woman. Yeah men PREFER 18-25 year old females....BUT they'll take what they can get. Its like...you would prefer a guy that is as rich as Seto Kaiba, right? Its like....I would PREFER a 20 year old asian girl just like I would prefer to have telekinesis and look like Gackt. But thats not realistic...so I would take a 30 year old 250lb white woman if she would have me, you follow? Women like younger guys too (cougars). Only reason why they're not AS common is the money issue. A 40 year old woman with 4 kids is going to find college guys cute...but college guys cant support her 4 kids....so she goes for a man her age. When women have affairs its almost always with guys MUCH younger than their husbands.
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Member
Joined: 5/15/2008 Posts: 5,936 Points: 16,585 Location: Payne Whitney Ward #3
|
Really?
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Member
Joined: 8/11/2008 Posts: 786 Points: 2,358 Location: northeast
|
Larazelle wrote:Violetta
This issue of age phobia with American men has come up several times in your post - so I'm assuming you have had an experience with it- IMHO all men want younger women and I haven't noticed Americans being more particular - however when I say Americans treat women better its because I find American men to be more insecure and not as cocky as European men - and consequently treat women well for fear of losing them - I have had many personal experiences and also experiences of friends and their friends - and I constantly notice (maybe not the "loving better" issue) but that American men are much more insecure than European men - Lazarelle, I don't know about the issue of insecurity. I really think it depends on the guy, whatever nationality, and if he truly loves a woman. Some guys could care less if they lose a woman since they are secure and feel they can get another one easily (and much younger from what I've heard numerous times from friends/family/coworkers). If a guy really loves a woman of course he will want to treat her well. But then you have to consider what is love to a guy, and if love is that easy to come by anyway. So many people in relationships are not necessarily in love,and may be there for other reasons. So it all depends on the person/circumstances.
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Member
Joined: 3/19/2009 Posts: 2,513 Points: -2,057
|
While on the subject of how men treat women.....almost every guy I know who has a girlfirend is EXTREMELY subservient to her.
They go out to eat....the man always pays. The girl cheats on him...he instantly forgives her (simply taking his anger out on the other guy). She yells at him and calls him names....he doesnt talk back but begs for forgiveness. They live together...HE pays all the bills, and for food and even her cell phone bill.
I could go on but I won't. What more can you ask for?
Anyway from what I have seen the only guys that arnt subservient are really good looking guys. This is simply because they dont have to...they can get another girl easily if she leaves. However an average looking guy is going to worship his girlfriend because he is going to have a very hard time finding another girlfriend.
UGLY guys are generally the worst. They worship their female FRIENDS (because they cant get girlfriends). I know soooo many guys who have been slaves to girls they were not dating or anything in hopes she would get with them (that never works by the way)
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Member
Joined: 8/11/2008 Posts: 786 Points: 2,358 Location: northeast
|
Sue wrote: Men have always been very visual, like to look at young beautiful women. I do not see this as a *flaw* in any way. To me that is what makes them.....men.
Sue, I didn't say it was a flaw. I was just commenting on the fact that in my experience (from spending time both in U.S. and Europe, and being friends with several Euro men here in NYC) that Many American (of varying ages) men are actively seeking to date only women under 25. I know not ALL, but a big majority seems to want to date a younger woman. Especially when they are divorced. Not all men get that young woman, but they seem to prefer it, and most select that age group on dating sites, as their main or sometimes only preference. I've even seen an article online with pics, about how some women at 35 can look just as attractive as 25. I know this is true, esp here in NYC, when a woman is single and many times a man can't tell whether a woman is in her mid 20s or mid 30s. I remember times when a man I know 40s+ (divorced) with kids, have seen a few of my friends and thought they were under 30. But later when one asked me about one woman, and I told them she was 34, he wasn't interested. He said she looks great, but since he was newly single he wanted to try to find someone preferably mid 20s now, since he still felt young and energetic. He said in 5 yrs maybe he will go for someone in her 30s, if he can't keep up with the 20 somethings anymore. How's that for cocky? The thing is, he has been able to date these women, since alot of young women do seem to want to date older men, even if he looks older. I have found a few other men like that also. Also, the concept of invisibility of women past a certain age, here in the U.S. has been written about in articles, and I've heard alot about it from women. Alot of men just are not even interested in talking/conversing to women in the first place, unless they find her appealing visually, and usually this means if they find her 'youthful' looking. Unless of course, he works with the woman already. Some women have told me that they were not even noticed and felt completely invisible, even when there were no young woman around. It's just that some guys don't have any interest in woman in the first place, or what she has to say, unless they like her appearance. I think of course, this has to do with the type of guy, and what his interests are. I find that men who are into arts, music, theatre, history, culture, etc. and just like to converse to people with similar interests don't act this way towards women they may come across. But not all American men are that interested in topic others than sports or other activities mostly preferred by men. This largely depends on the area of the U.S. where you live though, in my experience. But in Europe, I haven't found the invisibility issue, or least not in the same degree as here. At least that has been my experiences, from actually spending time in Europe for months at a time.
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Member
Joined: 9/18/2008 Posts: 7,082 Points: 17,072
|
Y, WTF planet do you live on? Very little if anything you describe is an ALL or NOTHING situation, except in YOUR life. I despise your blanket statements as if they are reality. The reality is yours or your circle of friends, not the vast majority of people out there. Any self-respecting guy would not put up with that type of treatment in a relationship, just as most self-respecting women would not. Perhaps someone with low self-esteem who thinks they deserve no better may tolerate it, but THAT is not the norm--it is the exception, at least for healthy relationships.
DCNGA has left the board and is no longer taking PMs. She requests that if you wish to e-mail her to use her direct e-mail address which is: laserandiplsupport@gmail.com
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Member
Joined: 8/11/2008 Posts: 786 Points: 2,358 Location: northeast
|
yatterman1 wrote:
Yeah men PREFER 18-25 year old females....BUT they'll take what they can get. Its like...you would prefer a guy that is as rich as Seto Kaiba, right?
Its like....I would PREFER a 20 year old asian girl just like I would prefer to have telekinesis and look like Gackt. But thats not realistic...so I would take a 30 year old 250lb white woman if she would have me, you follow?
Women like younger guys too (cougars). Only reason why they're not AS common is the money issue. A 40 year old woman with 4 kids is going to find college guys cute...but college guys cant support her 4 kids....so she goes for a man her age. When women have affairs its almost always with guys MUCH younger than their husbands.
You make good points, and I agree. But you'd be surprised at how many older guys actually get younger women, even guys w/o much money. Alot has to do with his attitude, charisma, etc. and usually the young girl is immature and maybe feels special or protected, or just the fact of going out with someone older an exciting idea. The opposite does not happen unless the older woman has alot of money/power, or if she's really hot. But older men don't have to be hot and can get young pretty girls, I see this in NYC often, believe it or not. Just depends on the opportunity factor.
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Member
Joined: 3/19/2009 Posts: 2,513 Points: -2,057
|
violeta wrote:
I've even seen an article online with pics, about how some women at 35 can look just as attractive as 25.
Those articles have very selective pics. Its like...I could "prove" that 30something women are more cute than 18 year old girls by comparing the 32 year old Ayumi Hamasaki to an 18 year old 300lb white chick. Yeah that doesnt prove ANYTHING. I know this will get me flamed to the pits of hell given the demographics of this forum...but anyone who thinks 35 year old women are as cute as 25 year old women is in denial. I mean...there's exceptions to the rule.....but face it...25 is better than 35 when it comes to looks. Men age WORSE...so it applies to them too. Compare the 20something Dicaprio:  To the 30something Dicaprio:  Yeah THATS the difference those 10 years make.
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Member
Joined: 8/11/2008 Posts: 786 Points: 2,358 Location: northeast
|
yatterman1 wrote:While on the subject of how men treat women.....almost every guy I know who has a girlfirend is EXTREMELY subservient to her.
They go out to eat....the man always pays. The girl cheats on him...he instantly forgives her (simply taking his anger out on the other guy). She yells at him and calls him names....he doesnt talk back but begs for forgiveness. They live together...HE pays all the bills, and for food and even her cell phone bill.
I could go on but I won't. What more can you ask for?
Anyway from what I have seen the only guys that arnt subservient are really good looking guys. This is simply because they dont have to...they can get another girl easily if she leaves. However an average looking guy is going to worship his girlfriend because he is going to have a very hard time finding another girlfriend.
UGLY guys are generally the worst. They worship their female FRIENDS (because they cant get girlfriends). I know soooo many guys who have been slaves to girls they were not dating or anything in hopes she would get with them (that never works by the way) Men 'instantly' forgive a woman who cheats on him? I don't know where you get your information from, or maybe it's your friends' experiences. But I assure you the rest of the world doesn't work that way. If anything, most guys I know say there's way too many women to choose from, and wouldn't put up with a woman who doesn't respect him.
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Member
Joined: 8/11/2008 Posts: 786 Points: 2,358 Location: northeast
|
yatterman1 wrote:
I know this will get me flamed to the pits of hell given the demographics of this forum...but anyone who thinks 35 year old women are as cute as 25 year old women is in denial. I mean...there's exceptions to the rule.....but face it...25 is better than 35 when it comes to looks.
Men age WORSE...so it applies to them too. Compare the 20something Dicaprio:
To the 30something Dicaprio:
Yeah THATS the difference those 10 years make.
I never said they were as 'cute' as a 25 yr old. All I meant was that many times men 'can't tell' how old a woman is by looking at her; and often especially single women in their 30s (who have taken care of themselves, diet, exercise, protected from sun, etc.) can pass for 20something. Also, when you post pics of people in their 30s with lines/other other visible aging signs, to me, these people have Premature aging. Most visible signs of aging on the skin are caused by constant UVA damage, and not necessarily by chronological aging. One person can look much more wrinkly at 35 vs. another who's taken care of him/herself. It also depends on genes, but that's a much smaller component believe it or not. Also, mid 30s women nowadays look much younger than mid30s women about 30/40 yrs ago. Same is true for 40s+ women who take care of their appearance. I'm not bragging and personally think I can use alot of improvement..but I've been to several dermatologists in NYC and most have thought I was mid20s, since my skin is still unwrinkled (due to obsessive sun protection, retin-a, etc), and I am over 30. I never said anything about cuteness, and that can be subjective anyway. Besides, there's plenty of plain Jane 25 yrs olds and beautiful 30something women. Beauty is not the same as age. Although aging can diminish beauty, but it doesn't have to start in the 30s if one takes care of him/herself. Anyway, that pic of Leo in his 20s shows him very baby faced/cute, and the older pic, he does have a few forehead lines, but he does NOT look OLD or haggard. In fact, I know alot of women would find his 30ish face handsome and attractive. Not all women want a babyfaced man. Maybe you find that 'better', but not all people do.
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Member
Joined: 8/11/2008 Posts: 786 Points: 2,358 Location: northeast
|
yatterman1 wrote:
Those articles have very selective pics. Its like...I could "prove" that 30something women are more cute than 18 year old girls by comparing the 32 year old Ayumi Hamasaki to an 18 year old 300lb white chick. Yeah that doesnt prove ANYTHING.
I wasn't referring to comparisons of a young woman who is obese or unattractive vs. a very attractive 35 yr old. I was talking about two women, who can be both similar levels of attractiveness, but 10 yrs apart, and it CAN be difficult to tell which one is older/younger, in some cases. Even if you can tell in some cases who is younger, that doesn't mean that the older one looks MUCH older or looks haggard in comparison. There are plenty of 35+ yr old single women in the city who look fabulous and you wouldn't think they look haggard or old. An example of what I mean, check out this short clip of Isabelle Adjani in Diabolique, about 16 yrs ago. When I saw that movie, I remember one of my uncles (who always said he wanted a 20yr old chick after he divorced) used to rave about how hot and beautiful that 'girl' in the movie was. But I later found out she was approx. 39 in that film. She looked much younger. Of course, you will say not all women age that well, and this is true. But my point is that an attractive woman over 30 who looks youthful can be seen just as beautiful/young as 25yr old. Of course, having a high degree of beauty helps, but a woman of average-level attractiveness can keep herself looking great at 35, just as a 25 yr old with the same level beauty..and you can't always say a 25 yr old is 'better' looking just because she is younger. If you saw her pic at 25, side by side at 39, of course there will be changes. But just looking at her soley at 39, and it doesn't diminish her beauty or youthful looks at the time. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdJbwHRMcfI
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Member
Joined: 7/24/2008 Posts: 615 Points: 1,748
|
I like 30-something Leo better.
Ok so this thread has really started to stress me out because it seems that since I live in the US and am single and 30 I'm basically screwed. :/
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Member
Joined: 3/19/2009 Posts: 2,513 Points: -2,057
|
cindy79 wrote:I like 30-something Leo better.
Ok so this thread has really started to stress me out because it seems that since I live in the US and am single and 30 I'm basically screwed. :/ I have made profiles of women in their 40s who are overweight to boot and it STILL got messages EVERYDAY. Just make an account on Okcupid and Plenty of Fish and watch your inbox get flooded by messages from guys.
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Member
Joined: 8/11/2008 Posts: 786 Points: 2,358 Location: northeast
|
cindy79 wrote:I like 30-something Leo better.
Ok so this thread has really started to stress me out because it seems that since I live in the US and am single and 30 I'm basically screwed. :/ Most of my friends are in their 30s and have no problem finding dates. I was just referring to some men after they get divorced or those who feel 'entitled' to the youngest girl they can get for some reason. Not all men, but it seems more the type of men who maybe got married too young the first time and now feel they must experience life more, and don't want a deeper relationship with someone their own age or close to their age. But these are not the type of men most women I know would go for anyway. In NYC there are all types of men, and many guys our age group do want to date women in their age group. But again, it depends on the type of guy, and what he's into, and if he actually likes to converse and interact with women with similar interests. You can find alot more of these men in bigger diverse cities than in smaller towns, in my opinion. But of course, there are the older men who will always want a young trophy girl/wife, and this can be seen anywhere.
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Editor
, Member
Joined: 9/23/2008 Posts: 3,554 Points: 8,144
|
yatterman1 wrote:While on the subject of how men treat women.....almost every guy I know who has a girlfirend is EXTREMELY subservient to her.
They go out to eat....the man always pays. The girl cheats on him...he instantly forgives her (simply taking his anger out on the other guy). She yells at him and calls him names....he doesnt talk back but begs for forgiveness. They live together...HE pays all the bills, and for food and even her cell phone bill.
I could go on but I won't. What more can you ask for?
Anyway from what I have seen the only guys that arnt subservient are really good looking guys. This is simply because they dont have to...they can get another girl easily if she leaves. However an average looking guy is going to worship his girlfriend because he is going to have a very hard time finding another girlfriend.
UGLY guys are generally the worst. They worship their female FRIENDS (because they cant get girlfriends). I know soooo many guys who have been slaves to girls they were not dating or anything in hopes she would get with them (that never works by the way) Y, you are immature.
|
|
|
Guest |