Actually cindy79 if mentioning bolwing pine shoot makes you uncomfortable or you fear him calling your bluff you need another powerful story;


From simplest:

1)ask him to pick you up at your house because you no longer have a car (could no longer afford the payments)
2)ask him if he could lend you some money for the date or if he will be paying for both.
3)Tell him you hope he has a really nice (BMW or something) car since you hate cheap cars and dates.
4)Warn him about you eratic behavior due to schizophrenia(sp?), but that you are OK now due to medication.
5) THE ATOM BOMB: become really needy and pesty; text or call him every 30 minutes to talk about the date. Send him baby pictures and wedding pictures

Consider that the guy is needy since his unattractiveness makes it difficult for him to get dates. So are we coming up with methods to punish the guy for being ugly? Don't do that.. I've been through that hell before. It's why I decided to get plastic surgery.

Cindy you should be honest with the guy and tell him you don't want to see him because you don't find him physically attractive. No shame in that, I've had it done to me a thousand times. That might help set off the light in his head that he can start making some changes to have better success.

Well, it does seem that one of the key factors working against the guy is his looks. Cindy clearly states in her first post that the speed date guys are no way as attractive as the women are. So, ya, she does not find the guy physically attractive and that does factor in. So, myself, I'm not going to tell Y or revolver that his looks don't factor into the rejection because statements here would imply his looks do factor in.

Now, I don't think she is 'punishing' him or giving him a hard time because of his looks. Like she is not swayed in his favor cuz he lacks in the looks department BUT she is not rejecting him ENTIRELY due to his looks as it does seem like she was willing to GIVE HIM A CHANCE.

Now, I think the personality element comes in where he does not "defer" to the social CONSTRAINTS she poses; those which INCREASE his CHANCES of going on a date with her. Those constraints would be the bowling option in a place near her. Clearly, he could increase his chances of going out with her if he deferred to the social constraints of limiting the date to the bowling joint near her. But he is DECREASING his chances by wanting to take control of social constraints as he wants to constrain to a more 'intimate' one on one setting.

So IF looks ARE a FACTOR (which I will concede to here), socially--in the personality department-- he's needing to COMPENSATE some way for that. Compensation being that of DEFERRING to the social constraints she is posing as contingencies for the date.

In this circumstance, and yes--unfortunately for the guy who is not 'Adonis'-- SHE is the one with more more control over setting the constraints/boundaries and needs to compensate (maybe over compensate?) by deferring to what she wants to do.

Basically, all she is effectively saying to him is; 'Here is a situation where I would feel more comfortable going on a date with you.' (OK, so ya, his looks probably factor in.) So, he's needing to accommodate her comfort level here. In that way, he has a BETTER CHANCE of increasing her comfort level in the setting of her choosing and then, LATER, settings of his choosing could happen as her comfort level with him increases.

But his chances do get lower if he does not follow her lead as to the initial social constraints of the date.

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If anybody knows of any orthopedic doctors, in Boston or Concord MA area who are conversant in FEMORAL ACETEBULAR IMPINGMENT, please let me know.

Cancel above request. My hip is now too far gone. Need a total hip replacement.

OK I am normally anti Y and revolver bleating about dating woes but I think I am definitely with them here. There is no need to mess with someone you are not attracted to,someone you think might have anger issues???

If he is interested in her - but not vic versa - take the compliment and say no???

no one is saying cindy is obliged to date this guy - and i don't think even he would argue that..

she should fess up up and apologise for stringing him along while she considered her options

if a guy was this fickle, women on the board would have a field day..

Miss J you are so smart! You are completely right! And to Revolver's post I have canceled dates with good-looking guys who were not willing to defer to what I was comfortable with and who put no effort in and expected me to do all the traveling. So this isn't all about looks though they play some role.

then there was no reason to post. cut and dried by this point, surely? you don't need the board's advice, do you? an ugly MF with no emotional intelligence and anger issues, but you suggested bowling???? then seek advice on a PS forum???

might it just be that you had a change of heart and that it is difficult for you, like any of us, to articulate that when others feelings are at stake..

you seem to be seeking validation, or approval for your behaviour. i don't care. behave as you want. but others (i mean me, here) might find you more transparent than you might feel comfortable with..

you posted this aas if it were a dilemna, own it..

the subtext is you think you are more attractive than he is etc etc..well maybe with beauty comes responsibility.

don't go breaking too many hearts!

paul uk,

I'm not sure Cindy "strung him along". Seems more like a matter of her not wanting to blow him off entirely based on his looks and wanting to give him a chance and constraining the chance to a social situation she would be comfortable with.

It's a thing with women where they have these mixed and ambivalent feelings. Like on one hand there is a tinge of guilt to reject a guy just because a gal is not attracted to his looks and a voice inside says; 'Give him a chance'. Hence the 'chance' is kind of limited to a social setting and not a one on one intimate setting. A lot of women feel guilty about a total rejection and try to make some concessions to accommodate the guys request for a date. She conceded to it by limiting the social setting of it.

I think he misjudged what his chances were by trying to push the date to a more intimate one on one thing or something a further distance than where she lived.

She did not really take back or re-neg the chance she gave him. So, I don't think she strung him along. She just did not let him 'tug' it further in the direction he wanted.

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If anybody knows of any orthopedic doctors, in Boston or Concord MA area who are conversant in FEMORAL ACETEBULAR IMPINGMENT, please let me know.

Cancel above request. My hip is now too far gone. Need a total hip replacement.

Agree with everything Paul from the UK wrote today. Bang on.

I'm almost certain you mentioned getting hit on by 6 guys in a 1 week period a while back. I think that, at least by my standard qualifies as having guys hit on you a lot. Many men go their whole LIVES having less than 6 girls hit on them. For many its ZERO for a LIFETIME.

You are confused.

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